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If my day goes the way the past half hour has, I'll be shootin' heroin by noon!
RZ and I had another Emotional Celebrity DeathMatch this morning on the way school. Tears ensued.
Then in the midst of the the melee, blue lights go off in my rear view mirror.
I pull over and RZ shouts "what are you DOING?"
I calmly announce "Getting a ticket."
[side note:] Is it me, or does everybody's colon go into "rapid evac" mode when they see the blue lights in the mirror? Just curious.
The roman emperor of slight stature officer gets out of his chariot copmobile, walks up to my car, and with his hand on his holster, and in a commanding cop voice says "Le' me see yer lyesunse an' proof uh ans-shernce." So I give him my license and my State Farm card.
In the most respectful "yes sir, pardon me sir, I'm a cockroach in your day sir" voice I could muster, I ask "what'd I do?".
He tells me to "get ow-chur vay-hickle".
I comply.
Then he walks behind my ride and begins to explain the reason he stopped me was that my "stick-uh" was stuck in the wrong place on my tag. Then he starts telling me of the procedure the local authorities go through when they look at someone's car tag. He said where I had stuck my 2004 "stick-uh" was not in "cuhm-pli'nce". Then he tells me how and where the "stick-uh" should have been applied.
In my best Eddie Haskell voice I thank him for letting me know, and ask him what do I need to do to correct the problem. He paused, look at me as if I ask him what the gross national product of Portugal was, continued to pause. Then he said "I'm jus' gawna write ya uh wawnin' ". Then he told me to "hava seat back in yer vay-hickle".
I comply.
After 7 or 8 hard-stares from RZ and 10 minutes he returns with my cards and the "courtesy warning". At this point I see an great opportunity for a dig... "Thanks again for letting me know about this, and thanks for just the warning, but what do I have to do make this right?"
He says "You jus' gotta caw th' Day Em Vay. You hava good day now. Hear."
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By the way, for those of you that don't speak fluent "suh-thuhn". Let me know, I'll update with a glossary.
3/3/2004 09:57:06 AM
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