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Mantrip 2004
THE BLUE MONKEY WORLD TOUR
Yep, Blue Monkey.
This year's Mantrip will be known as the The Blue Monkey World Tour. Only because on the drive up we got into conversation and during that conversation I said something about "...greasy, sweaty, blue monkey sex..." to illustrate a point. Who knows what the point was, for that matter nobody can even recall what the conversation was about. But the Blue Monkey was the recurring theme throughout the rest of the trip.
We even started playing Six Degrees of Blue Monkey Seperation. Where in you relate a celebrity back to a monkey. Bruce Willis? Easy! Bruce Willis starred in that movie 12 Monkeys. Yeah that was easy, but try Greg Allman. Try Clint Eastwood. Try Bogart. After a few drinks I ask "How can I tie Annie Lennox to a monkey?" That question was met with bourbon shooting out of everybodies nose at the same time.
Early on I had my doubts about this year's trip. Initially we had 14 guys confirming that they were going to go. One by one, that number got whittled down to five. A few months ago I had rented a cabin that would sleep eighteen, since we had 14 going, it made sense at the time. But now there were only five us and it was too late to get a refund on the cabin. So we "made do" in (what I term) the half-million dollar castle away from home. The place was incredible! Everybody had their own bed! Their own room! Their own john! Their own TV! Their own remote! The place had a spectacular view of the Tennessee River as well as the mountains. It was so cool!
Let me tell you, the doubts I had early on faded quick. This has been called the best Mantrip ever. I agree. I'll post the pictures soon.
The setting for this year's trip was Chattanooga Tennessee's Riverbend Music Festival. We saw Michelle Branch (who fervently sucked) on Friday night. Opening for Branch was a band I had never heard of-- Ingram Hill. Ingram Hill was phenomenal! I would've thrown my underwear onstage if I had remembered to pack another pair*. After their set "Big Funny" and I went and plunked down cash for their CD... I felt like a girl, a grrrly girl even. Seriously, those guys were good.
After the concert on Friday night we walked over to a Mexican restaurant to eat before we headed back to the ManVilla. The guys were fairly well toasted and they (we) were having a ball. I was the designated driver so I was the relatively sane one of the crowd. Anyway, we go into this place and these guys are a.) acting like they own the place and b.) delusional in thinking that every woman there wants to spawn... with them. We walk in and they start hitting (all in play mind you) on the hostess. She laughs it off as she pours the Manly Men of the Mantrip into the booth. Then she intros the waitress, then she (the hostess) exits stage left. The waitress, a slight girl, all of twenty-two, seemed kind of shy, even a little nervous around our noisy asses, asks for our drink orders. Of course all of the guys are hamming it up. I order up a water. "Hippie" gets a beer. "The Barrister" gets a beer. "Big Funny" beer. Then "The Mogul" asks for a shot of tequila. While the waitress is nervously writing down the drink orders the guys start rattling drink/shooter names back and forth. "I've had Sex on the Beach... You ever had one of those?" and "Yeah, and "I've had a Buttery Nipple!" and "I've had a Red-Headed Slut, aahhhhhahhhhahhhhaaa!" The drink names bounce around like a beachball at a Grateful Dead concert. While this banter is going on the waitress quietly chimes in...
"I've had a Wet P*ssy."
(silence)
Hippie's green cloth napkin goes airborne.
(pause. pause.)
The whole place erupts.
Match. Set. Point.
The waitress walks away. Confident, almost cocky. She just trumped the whole table.
And made one hell of tip in doing so.
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Speaking of trumping...
I learned how to play poker on the trip. It's that celebrity, Texas Hold'm, version of the game.
When I was growing up, card playing was considered "of the devil" so to speak, so I was never really exposed to cards or other games of chance for that matter.
Anyway, The Mogul taught me how to play. I thoroughly enjoyed the game even as a gracefully lost hand after hand.
At one point I had a great hand. The betting started. I opened the bet, but I was conservative early on. Then the betting got heavier. Hippie folds, as does The Mogul and Big Funny.
Now it's down to me and The Barrister.
He bets. I call his bet and consistently raise.
Back and forth.
Finally, I scrounge up the courage to bet everything (don't worry Leslie it was all of five dollars).
Time to show our hands.
The Barrister is holding a pair of sevens.
I'm holding three of a kind.
As I'm reaching for my winnings he says "what are you doing? You ain't got a hand!"
I proudly announce that I've got "three of a kind-- Three Diamonds!"
"MWAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAAA!!!"
They're laughing their asses off at me. The Barrister is drooling he's laughing so hard.
Who knew? Hell, it would have been a great hand, if we were playing Go Fish!
Did I mention that I'd never played before.
God, I'll never live that one down.
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*Yeah, Mr. Organization that I am, forgot to pack underwear and socks. I had to go and scope out a Blue Light Special (at KMart) the next day. ~Bawnk on the forehead!~
6/17/2004 05:13:32 PM
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