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"TMI, Dad. TMI!"
We're heading off on another extended weekend adventure tomorrow. "We" being Leslie, RZ, The Joneses, and me. No wild Blue Monkeys to speak of this time, got the kids-in-tow if you know what I mean.
We're going to Ichetucknee Springs Florida to tube/raft/scuba/snorkel the nipple-popping, ice-cold, blue waters of the Ichetucknee river. When I say cold, that's putting it lightly. I actually mean cryogenic. Supposedly the water is 72 degrees year round, but it feels like minus 12. I went hypothermic there once. It's brutal cold water. Fun, but brutal all the same.
The other day Leslie and Janice were making plans and talking about the trip. Then they started talking and laughing about the "Turtle Effect" cold water has on us guys.
Later on that night RZ and I were watching tv together. During a commercial RZ looked and me and asked, "Dad, what's that turtle thing Mom was talking about earlier?"
Ok, here I am faced with a Father Know's Best styled dilemma. Do I lie and screech off some bullshit story about that turtle in Finding Nemo, or do I face the music and tell the her truth? What would Robert Young do? WHAT WOULD HE DO?!
Truth.
I answer, "When a man gets into really cold water his penis shrivels up... kinda like when a turtle pulls his head into his shell." She stares at the tv, stunned because I just said the word "penis". She utters "...oh." followed by "umkay, that's enough about that." We go back to watching Nick-at-Disney-Toon Network.
Can you tell me why do I have to be the one that tells my daughter about the turtle effect? Isn't that what Internet porn is for?
Gah!
6/24/2004 05:13:09 PM
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