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I suck at first impressions.
I met another blogger last night. It wasn't entirely by chance though, her husband emailed last week to let me know she and her band would be playing in the area.
Here's how the night went...
Leslie decided at the last minute that she didn't want to leave RZ home alone on a school night so she bailed early on. I called BigFunny to see if he was up for a some live music. Being the music freak that he is, of course he said yes. I told him to meet me at my house at seven o'clock and we'd take off.
BF gets to my house at eight.
No worries. We just have to drive an hour to Milledgeville (Home of the Mullet) to get to the venue where Michelle will be playing. If I floor it, we'll be able to make it to the show just in time. I thought the band started playing around nine, but knowing how bands are I figured they wouldn't really get cranked until 9:30 or 10.
After the mad dash to get to Milledgeville (Home of the State's Mental Institution, thus the invention and proliferation of the Mullet) we find a parking spot and hurry over to the pub. Actually it's a deli and pub, details, details. Right as we get to the door we we see the sign that read "Girls on Film, Tonight 11 p.m."
Shit.
Now we've got a couple of hours to kill in sleepy Milledgeville (Home of Flannery O'Connor, who I'm sure proudly wore a mullet).
Not being one to pass up a good opportunity to eat. BigFunny looks at me and says "Food? Beer." We walk across the street to grab a bite. After being seated I order a Coke and an appetizer, artichoke dip. BF gets a Guinness and something. A few minutes later the waitress brings out our order.
I start nibbling on the nachos and artichoke dip.
The dip was incredible. "Angel Doo-Doo" incredible. It had artichoke hearts, and lots of garlic, and crack, and a couple of different cheeses, and spices.
I was mainlining the dip.
I now belong to the Church of that Dip. Yes, dip good! The waitress noticed my orgasmic shouts and my speaking-in-tongues about said dip. Being the great tip panderer waitperson that she was, she offered me another bowl. She said since it was getting close to closing time I could have the rest. Which I did. The offering of the dip was a very strategic move on her part. She got a great tip. Rightfully so.
Around 10:30 we decide to walk back across the street to secure a seat, and wait out the band.
So here we are, a couple of almost fourty somethings, in a college bar. Just hanging. I've got my camera with me, and compared to the fratboys in the bar we look rather distinguished, out of place, but distinguished.
At one point a college girl walks over to us and asks "ya know, like why're ya'll here?" Without batting an eye a respond, "We're with Alexander Woodside** & Associates. We're seeing how Milledgeville would work for our 'RealWorldSmallTown' production. It's like 'The Real World' but set in a rural area instead of a big city." She then says "So it'll be like, like, 'The Real World-Milledgeville'?" To which I say "Exactly." She then smirks, turns and walks away. At this point BigFunny leans over and quietly says, "Your good. Damn your good." I nod my head and say "Scary ain't it?" I just figured if she was bold enough to ask, I'd be bold enough to lie through my teeth.
But anyway.
Around 11:30 I see the "Girls on Film" come into the place. Also around 11:30 the mass quantity of dip started turning all evil alien on me in my stomach. I'm starting to get really nauseous.
A few moments later as I'm heading up the flight of stairs to the restroom, Michelle is coming down the stairs and we meet. It goes something like this...
Me: "Michelle?"
Michelle: Looking all creeped out, with zero eye-contact.
Me: "Michelle, It's me, Mark."
Michelle: It registers, she smiles warmly "Oh Hi."
At this point, the little voice in my head starts talking too.
Me: "How was your trip?"
voice in my head "Hi. I'm about to throw up."
Michelle: "It was good."
Me: "Is this place kinda what you were expecting?"
voice in my head "On your shoes. I. Am. About. To. Thow up. On. Your. Shoes."
Michelle: "I think it's better than expected."
Me: "Great."
voice in my head "Great. She seems nice, now let us go puke. Shall we?"
Michelle: "So'd your wife come with you?"
Me: "No. She couldn't make it."
voice in my head "Yeah toots, it's just me and Big Ol' Uncle Pervy over there in the dark corner. You want some candy? Go Away, before I break out with the Linda Blair routine."
Me: "Scott, Mia doing ok?
voice in my head "Hey Mark, you suck at small talk, especially when you're about to make sick. Dry up the conversation and let's get going. We've got a mess to make."
Michelle: "Yeah, he's home taking care of Mia."
Me: "This is so weird. Anyway, looks like you need to get busy. I'll talk to you later. Have a good show."
voice in my head "Attaboy. Way to wind it down, but my god haven't you ever heard of 'break a leg'? 'Have a good show' is sooo not cool."
Michelle: "Okay. Bye."
voice in my head "What the hell? We're feeling less puke-ish now, almost spew-free."
So thankfully, I didn't redecorate the restroom. The band cranked around midnight and was great. I was able to shoot a bunch of "RockStar" like pictures, and all in all BigFunny and I had a great time.
I didn't even have to headbutt a single drunken fratboy for calling me "Pops". They must've heard that I was "with the band".
You'll appreciate this bit of advice: if Girls on Film come to your town. Seek them, just stay away from the artichoke dip!
(**Alexander Woodside = My middle name and the street I grew up on.)
10/8/2004 07:13:03 PM
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